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Some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on.
Some feel the heat and decide that they can't go on.
Some like it hot but you can't tell how hot 'till you try.
Some like it hot so let's turn up the heat 'till we fry.
The tour began on a positive note when all tourists made it to the airport on time. Stephanie Oldham brought along her friend Edward B. Bear which pleased everybody, as at least one Teddy would be on the rugby tour rather than taking his swamp-ass “snorkeling” in Manila. Also in the tour party were 5 other players, 4 better halves, 1 ref and 1 baby.
Most everybody knows that Guam is situated in the West Pacific just above the equator and is therefore Hot. Donnel “Snakebite” Kennerley decided to spend all day Friday at the beach. Trevor “Pianoman” Lewis and Les “The Sock” Edwards played some Hot golf. Others got out of the Heat by retreating to the pool.
The tour party grouped at 10am on Saturday for the beginning of the Guam Rugby Club’s 5th True GRIT 10’s tournament. Someone had obviously failed to pass the sunscreen to Snakebite because he had the appearance of a boiled Rock Lobster. Little did we know that this was just the beginning of players playing with second and third degree burns.
The playing six of Snakebite, Pianoman, Andrew “Moose” Ingalls, “Austin “Dr. Evil” White, Repi Wright and Stephanie set about recruiting. They found a couple of old hands (Pete Baggetta and the dread locked Palota) and some young speed merchants (most notably Dave Borja, Billy Chennaux and Jason Keener) from Guam and were ready to play some Hot rugby.
Day One included two games - the first, against Acorn RC of Japan was lost 0-19 however the second against the hosts Guam Rugby Club was won 10-7. Stephanie really rubbed it in by scoring the match-winning try. Jason got the other.
That evening the group set forth for the Tour Dinner of Hot Thai. No strategy was discussed as the padthai and green curries were washed down with ice cold Bud’s.
It was later that evening that the tour really began to Hot up. It seems that Moose and Dr. Evil decided to share some post-dinner aperitifs with some rather “nice girls in a place like this”. These drinks required being lit. Dr. Evil doesn’t know how but when he looked up from putting out his drink, Moose’s face was on fire. According to Dr. Evil he then saved Moose’s life by throwing a full glass of Sprite in his face to put out the fire.
Moose revealed his new-blistered face minus eyebrows as the group re-gathered on Sunday morning. The one question on everyone’s lips upon being told the story was … what were these two guys doing with a full glass of Sprite???
Now resembling “Moose Flambé”, The Inferno chose to play on. The final game in the Pool rounds was lost 5-36 to Sumitomo of Japan, with Dr. Evil scoring a fantastic chip and chase try from about 50 yards out. The Survivors had cunningly avoided the stronger Cup knockout and were in the Bowl semi-finals.
The semi-final was against Zenkai Beers from Japan and the Survivors prevailed 22-12. Snakebite rumbled over for his first try ever for the Club. Pete scored twice, Dr. Evil once and Repi kicked a goal.
Our final opponents were Guam Rugby Club who had been disposed of the day before. The team had a real shot at bringing home some silverware. The team piled on the points in the first half then coasted home to win the Bowl Final 21-0. Repi really controlled the game with his kicking from 5/8 and the forwards were strong as was the case in all the matches. Dave scored twice and Jason once. Repi now aka “Jonny Jihad” converted the three tries.
The team elected Dr. Evil and Stephanie Oldham, now aka “Woman”, as joint Tour MVP’s whilst Guam Rugby Club also awarded Woman with their Try Of The Tournament award.
The team celebrated at Chuck’s Steakhouse and then went on to the Hard Rock Café to watch Palota’s band. In the interest of WGOTSOT, we cannot reveal the identity of the tourist who got up on stage and removed his clothes to the Joe Cocker classic “You Can Keep Your Sock On”.
At one stage or another, on and off the pitch, the Survivors were on fire. And for at least two minutes in the wee hours of Sunday morning, Moose really actually was!
Author’s Note: No animals were seriously harmed in the making of this Tour with the exception of one Moose